Have you ever noticed how often you criticize yourself? Most likely, you haven’t thought much about because it’s so lightly but so frequently and unconsciously done. At times, it’s just something that we women do in our heads such as: “Ugh, DUH, why didn’t you know that?” Or we even voice self criticisms out loud to someone else that we barely even know. We may sit down at the hair salon and say “Ugh! This hair is so ugly and nasty. I can’t wait to get it cut.” It seems minor enough to express ourselves in an unpleasing way. After all, we have the right to this- it’s our own self, right? Of course, we do. But nobody ELSE better even think about doing this to us!
I have noticed that the more self criticisms we allow, the more of the magnetic energy that it seems to have upon us giving way to increased frequencies of self negative thoughts. We are inadvertently creating low self-esteem and a smallness that we unconsciously allow to take over inner dialogue.
Let’s pretend a self criticism is a small scab and each time we say something unfavorable to ourselves, that that same scab gets lifted from our skin just a little. Over time, negative comment after comment the seemingly “small” negative things we say to ourselves about ourselves, begins to pull that scab off the skin creating a lifelong scar. This self-inflicted scar can even represent a neural pathway within our brains. We are literally rewiring our brains to teach ourselves that it’s ok to be verbally abusive. Now, you know you would never ever allow anyone to bully you, abuse you, or ridicule you in the way that you unconsciously do it to yourself. If an actual person did this to you, you would defend yourself, tell them off or never allow yourself to share space with them again and cut off all access to you. You would cut that cord with that person or “friend” so fast because it’s so uncomfortable to hear these things about yourself.
But what about you? What are the rules when it’s YOU saying these things to yourself? While these self criticisms most likely stem from something in our childhood, we still have the responsibility to bring the awareness to our forefront to change our own narrative. I’ve gone through my own journey of unlearning this deeply unconscious habit. When I began seeing clients for henna, self criticisms were jumping out at me at each and every session. At first, it would trigger me and annoy me. I didn’t see in these ladies the negative things they saw in themselves.
Honestly, I hear it all during my henna sessions: ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
My fingers are ugly.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I'm too hairy⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I'm too wrinkled⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I'm too dark⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
My feet are gross⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I hate my skin.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Or ladies are apologizing for just being as they are in appearance. I do hear myself sometimes in the ladies that I work with.
Some times it almost seemed as if women did this as soon as they sat down as a conversation starter because they didn’t know what else to say when they got in the chair. I didn’t judge them for this but it did get me thinking “Do I do this?” and “How often do I do this?” and “Where is this coming from?”
I slowly began to recognize it in myself. I was no different. We all did it for no real reason. The self criticisms brought so much self awareness out in me that I made a commitment that I would stop criticizing myself altogether. I had no idea that this was an enormous task because I had no clue that it was an everyday part of my inner dialogue. At a snail’s pace, over time and it has taken years that each time I recognized it in myself, I would say to myself “stop! there it is”. In order to change my behavior, I had a plan to replace it by saying something to myself that I admired.
This practice was extremely uncomfortable. I had PLENTY of daily opportunities. If a person really wants to change a behavior or habits, sometimes you have to take it moment by moment, situation by situation. It’s a true daily self-care practice. I looked back six months or a year from now and realize how different things became in my life. Old friends left and were organically replaced with loving souls that nurtured my spirit. With this, I began to notice that I began doing things for myself that otherwise I would’ve considered a “treat” or felt guilty for doing. Over time, self criticisms began to feel foreign and heavy and like that annoying acquaintance that you can’t wait to get away from.
Within my home studio, to bring awareness to all the beautiful women that I serve, I began to have a loose rule when women come and see me for their henna session.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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It is this: "You're not allowed to criticize any part of yourself while you're here".⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I wanted to gently remind you to think of one thing today that you do love about yourself and/or your body. Your soul is a beautiful goddess and your body truly is a work of art.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀